So this is the last of the “How I Got Here Posts” and I have to say that sharing this here has been pretty incredible. The journey to reach this point has not been an easy one, and there’s certainly a lifetime of ups and downs ahead for me when it comes to health and fitness, but getting to put all this out there… sharing it quite literally with the world has made it feel more real. Now that its written down, I feel like it will be a constant reminder to never ever go back… because I can always remind myself where that leads.
Currently, I’m about five pounds away from truly being in maintenance territory. For a long time, I stressed over the thought of wanting to reach that final goal. Now I’m just in a place where I know that with continued hard work and new goals to achieve, those pounds will eventually come off.
This post is going to be about the weight loss… but I’m going to try to take a different angle on it. It is not going to help anyone who reads this to hear about exactly how many calories I ate, or burned. I’m going to talk about victories and defeats, and how they helped me reach the “finish line.” Those words deserve the quotes around them, because I am fully aware of the fact that there is no finish line with this. And you know what? I’m really glad there is no finish line. I love the life I lead focused on bettering my health and wellness, and I don’t ever want to stop thinking that way.
To keep things interesting… and even… I’ll talk about 3 major victories, and three major defeats. The first major victory is the one that made me get obsessed. It is what made me want to keep going. I did not understand the power of exercise until I reached this first victory. I had just started kickboxing (my very first exercising love) and I was going twice a day 6 days a week. After months (make that years) of trying to lose weight, I got on the scale at the end of that first week and I had dropped 6 pounds. 6 POUNDS?!?! I was absolutely sure that my scale was lying, so I got on and off of it about five times before I finally believed it. I threw a ten minute dance party in my apartment, alone. It was the most satisfying moment I had in a long time. I’m very glad that I had enough sense to know that this amount of weight loss would not continue every week… otherwise I may have found myself very disappointed.
I feel like it seems like I would be saying… now for the bad news… but I believe my defeats have shaped as much if not even more than my victories. One of the defeats that helped me turn a corner was the first time I ran. Learning to run has absolutely helped me learn that sometimes slow and steady really does win the race. The first few times I ran, I tried to do it too fast. At the time, running a mile was literally like running a marathon for me. When I ran it bordered on impossible for me to catch my breath, and I shed many many tears after the first time I ran because I think it was the first time I realized just how terribly I had treated my body for so many years. Because of this very difficult moment though, I learned to pace myself, and while pacing myself now may mean something very different than it did in those first weeks, it is still one of the most important lessons I’ve learned.
Victory number two. One of my favorite days I’ve had this year was the day I decided to purge all of my clothes that no longer fit. I would say it was probably the middle of May and I had lost about 40 pounds or so at the time. It took all day and I literally had almost completely empty closets when I was done, but after hours and hours of trying on clothes I realized almost nothing fit me anymore. Some things were literally falling off of me. It was so satisfying. It was like throwing away the old me, getting a fresh start. The more clothes I tried on, the bigger I smiled. I think until that very moment I hadn’t realized just how much I had already achieved.
One of the hardest defeats I had was when I came back from Hawaii, which was only about two months ago. I had spent a month only having to focus on exercise because I was between jobs. Trying to get back on a schedule was very very difficult. I struggled to find a rhythm. I gained back 4 pounds, and I was significantly worried about how I would get back in the swing of things. This defeat taught me that sometimes, even when you may not necessarily want to, you need to put your struggles out in the open. I turned to my fitness friends to help put me back on track. I made schedules, and made myself accountable by sharing those schedules with them. It really helped, and I did get those four pounds back off and then some, but it was definitely the lowest point I had in a long time. It was hard to figure out why I had let that happen. Now I know, that will probably not be the last time I put on a little bit of weight, its just important that I reassess the situation and get back on my feet before I let it snowball.
I’ll talk about the third defeat first so that I can end on a positive note 🙂 My kickboxing gym was having a 45 day contest and I was so very excited to use this chance to lose the last 15 pounds or so that I had to lose at the time. I started off very committed, and very sure of the fact that I would be the one to win the prize money. The first two weeks I lost two pounds and I was really excited about the prospect of seeing a significant change in my body. Then, something happened. To be completely honest and open, I think that I had gotten pretty comfortable with how I looked. I hadn’t been that thin in a long time and I was enjoying every moment of it. Maybe I was enjoying it a little bit too much because I let myself overeat, and splurge on all of the wrong things. This is where I really learned that you cannot outrun a bad diet. I was killing myself in the gym, but I still wasn’t losing any weight. The defeat of not even coming close to winning the 45 day challenge, was very difficult for me. My competitive nature made me beat up on myself a little bit. But, again, lesson learned… and I had to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
The third of the victories I want to talk about happened just yesterday! It is something I have been waiting months and months for. Flywheel is one of my favorite places to be. When the door to the stadium closes and the lights go down… it literally washes my day away. The music, the energy in the room, the amazing instructors… all of it comes together to make for something pretty powerful. Yesterday, I finally joined the 300 Club. I have been working for it for so long, and honestly I am not surprised that the person who brought it out of me was Jesse Alexander. Even on a Saturday morning at 8:30, I know he expects a lot out of me… and so I expect a lot out of myself. When the number on my bike turned to 300 I couldn’t believe it. It is a moment I will never forget.
I am so beyond thrilled to have gotten to share so much about the recent months with all of you. And now, as I move forward toward new goals, I can’t wait to share those with you as well. My next big goal is the Holiday Half Marathon in Brooklyn on December 14th. I am headed into the second week of training for it and its going really well! More updates on that soon.
Have a great week everyone!